super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
Your dad touched me again.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
