I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
