omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Randomize
