Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
