I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
You may now shotgun with the bride
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Randomize
