I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
