The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
thus making me awesome and them whores
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Boobs speak an international language.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
