I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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