I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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