when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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