Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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