Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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