i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
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