I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
