he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Randomize
