considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
