When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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