I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
