So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
