I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
