I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I have tasted many bathrooms
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
