I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
