Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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