Umm I'm too high to move.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
