Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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