I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
