I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Randomize
