there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
