Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
