Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Randomize
