He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
