So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
