My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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