you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
