NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
