Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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