I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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