I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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