I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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