Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
