She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Randomize
