So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
