Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Randomize
