then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Randomize
