Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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