My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Randomize
