Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
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