Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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