Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
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