At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
